2014 - A Full Year of Mothering

(It's been a year since I posted. Maybe blogging will be my annual New Year's tradition.)

Technically, I was a mother for nearly six months in 2013. Let's be real though. Those initial months are about survival. You are struggling to keep the baby from rolling off the changing table after you have to change his clothes for the fourth time in one morning due to his reflux while keeping your eyes open because you haven't had but three hours of sleep. And, yes, you do have to be at work in forty minutes. 

Thank God those are really only the first few months. 

2014 was my first full year as a mother. The teaching, experiencing, showing, playing woman. Not just the "Oh, thank the Lord, I didn't drop him on his head" instinctual child bearer. It's been an experience in itself. And there's definitely a learning curve. Sort of like four years of college never truly prepare you for your own classroom (though helpful), nothing really prepares you for raising your own child except trial and error (although, everyone should have a job where they've spent nearly a decade watching how others raise their kids, and then even if you don't know what to do, you at least have a pretty definitive idea of what you shouldn't do).  It seems like there's plenty of error; sometimes we'll be in the middle of a game, an activity, or a chore, when I'll decide it's not working, and completely change things up in the middle of it. "Let's try it this way," has turned into a code phrase for "Um, Mommy has screwed this up; let's do it this way and hope you didn't notice what a moron I am for even thinking that would work." Oh well. I've got a few more years of being smarter than him. Fake it 'til you make it, right?

I don't know how to say the next thing without sounding harsh. I love my child dearly, and he's a very big, bright, beautiful, sunshine-y part in my life. But my entire world doesn't revolve around him. I feel that if it did, it would be a disservice to him. It is my job as his mother to raise him to be the best man he can possibly grow up to be. That might mean I go overboard with his education sometimes (he's going to be 18 months later this week, and the kid has workbooks instead of coloring books for his crayons), but I don't want him to feel like the world owes him something. Like he's entitled to everything because I have dropped everything in my life to make my world spin around him. I go to work every day. I take him to daycare (a good one that we love). I thoroughly enjoyed my job during the 2013-2014 school year; in fact, it was the best year of my career. That is part of me. I love my husband, and having a child did make us Mommy and Papa, but we're still husband and wife. There are seven billion people on this planet, and, despite what so many out there would like to believe, there is no Planet Me, and he probably needs to learn that from an early age. Maybe that makes me a bad parent. If it does, I can probably figure it out and pull the "Let's try it this way" before it gets too out of hand (but I don't think it will). 

We spend a lot of time doing learning-based play or reading here at the house. I think play time is important, and he has cars and trucks, and now that his imagination is blossoming, it's fun to watch him talk to himself and pretend. But most of his toys have some sort of learning objective. He has a lot of puzzles and music toys. He loves to sing and dance. We do a lot of reading at home; he has some books almost entirely memorized. Some people think my aversion to children's television is silly, but I just don't think it's necessary for him to watch it yet. I've lightened up and will let him watch some YouTube learning videos when he's sitting on the potty, or I'll sometimes let him watch the end of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (the "Hot Dog Song") because he likes to dance to it. But he's otherwise content to play or read, so why would I substitute those for tv?  Plus that means less stupid cartoons I have to watch, which is what I should really be concerned about anyway.

The first time W told me he loved me back after I said it to him, I thought my insides would melt into a clichéd puddle.The first few months after your child is born may be about survival, but the months after--when you're raising your kid and trying not to screw up and wondering if you're helping or harming him--can be just as scary. Physically, it was undoubtedly harder the first few months of W's life. But this mothering thing I started doing in 2014 "ain't no joke." I question decisions I make regularly because I, like almost all parents, just want to raise a good little person into a wonderful big person. 

When it gets hard, I've got that memory of "I wub oo" to let me know that he seems to think I'm doing an okay job so far.  

Technological Dilemma

I'm pathetic. I abandoned my blog last year when I gave up on Pinterest-ing my way through breakfasts and dinners, though I did read a fair amount since I last posted. I had not, however, finished a book since the end of June (but I finished two during Christmas vacation!!) because we had a baby! I also changed jobs; I left the library and found myself in an 8th grade English class. 

Why did I choose to revisit my blog? I go back to work tomorrow, so God knows I probably won't have time after that. I'm a new mother, and no parent is perfect. I'm not coming from a place on a pedestal, but rather as someone expressing a dilemma regarding technology and health. I know we live in the technology dominated twenty-first century. Computers and iPads weren't available when I was a kid, nor when my younger siblings were growing up. Raising a baby in this environment is challenging. 

It is easy to give in to technology. Like moths to a streetlight, the television's glow entrances children, and hey, you can probably clean your kitchen while occasionally throwing glances towards the living room where your child sits in awe. My kitchen? It's a mess. Seriously, you would never know I spent hours cleaning my house just last week. Keeping our bundle of joy distracted while my husband and I watch tv is an ongoing battle. 

Put him in the chair, he flips around until he can see it. Just today I was watching a YouTube video on the Nuremberg Trials, and yeah, that's a black-and-white film induced grin a peek elicited while he sat on the couch next to me (at least it was educational??).

And, I, too, have given my child the iPad to hold his attention for a few minutes. Or at least for a cute photo op. 

If I'm guilty, then why does it bother me? I spent two years obtaining a graduate degree in Library Science---believe me, I understand that the world is turning towards tablets and apps. But is it healthy? The American Academy of Pediatrics would say no. In fact, they advise no screen time until at least the age of two. Babies need people interaction, and too much media in kids has proven to lead to attention deficit disorder, academic difficulties, and even weight problems. Okay, so the "be a perfect parent" part of me (amazing how that drive can develop overnight) wants to pull him from all glowing objects--the tv, cell phones, tablets, computers (night lights??). But how can I prepare him to be competitive with his peers in the future who do have a lot of experience with such devices? I've heard parents talk about their kids spending hours on the tablets they got for Christmas. There are products such as the iPad potty training chair on the market. More and more studies are produced showing that kids are spending record amounts of time on electronic devices (and the results of those studies aren't necessarily positive). 

 Since the iPad photo op, we've limited the only time W has with it to Face Time with his overseas grandparents. It's a daily fight to keep him from watching tv (I suppose you could tell me to give up my vices of Young and the Restless and competition cooking shows, but let's not take drastic measures just yet). He finds our phones more interesting than his bottles sometimes. Though I feel I'm doing the right thing, I worry that he'll be behind others who are familiar with the devices that are taking over the globe. 

I really just want my kid to play the apps like "go outside" and "read a real book" and "use your imagination." Is that so bad?